::-*-::

ugh..most wonderful time of the year my fat ass

Sometimes...

Sometimes, I just can't help but to feel that I'm losing the never ending losing battle.

Gotta Have Faith

You know how when you were a little kid, and you believed in fairy tales? That fantasy of what your life would be. White dress, Prince Charming, who’d carry you away to a castle on a hill. You’d lie in bed at night and close your eyes, and you had complete and utter faith.

Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Prince Charming, they were so close, you could taste them. But eventually, you grow up. One day you open your eyes, and the fairy tale disappears. Most people, turn to the things and people they can trust.

But the thing is… it’s hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely. Because almost everyone still has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day they’ll open their eyes, and it will all come true.

At the end of the day, faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don’t really expect it. It’s like, one day you realize that the fairy tale may be slightly different than you dreamed.

The castle… well, it may not be a castle. And, it’s not so important that it’s happy ever after. Just that it’s happy right now. See, once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you. And once in a while… people may even take your breath away.

Why Can't I be Betty Davis...

"A sure way to lose happiness, I found, is to want it at the expense of everything else. "

We search all of our lives for true happiness. We go through phases, down winding roads, and through some of the darkest places, in order to find it. But what happens to people who find happiness and lose it? People who can't get over a period of happiness followed by a cycle of grief and heartache? What happens to those people? Is it ever possible to be truly happy again after you've experienced what you feel is your ultimate happiness. Or over time, will they learn to sabotage every good thing that happens to them?

I have many things in life to be happy about. I have a great family and the best friends a girl could have. I have a man who loves me so unconditionally, that it's pretty unbelievable and even sickening at times. I have life, I have health and from the view of the outside world, I have nothing to be unhappy with. But, I feel like something is missing.

Learning to Let Go

I've got to learn to let go off my insecurities.
Realize that not everyone is the same.
Not everyone is out to hurt me or to see how far they can push me until I break.

I feel like this is all in vain, sometimes all for absolutely nothing.
I don't want it to be for nothing.

Come On Get Higher

I miss the sound of your voice
And I miss the rush of your skin
And I miss the still of the silence
As you breathe out and I breathe in

If I could walk on water
If I could tell you what's next
I'd make you believe
I'd make you forget

So come on, get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire and the swing of your hips
Just pull me down hard
And drown me in love
So come on, get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire and the swing of your hips
Just pull me down hard
And drown me in love

I miss the sound of your voice
Loudest thing in my head
And I ache to remember
All the violent, sweet
Perfect words that you said

If I could walk on water
If I could tell you what's next
I'd make you believe
I'd make you forget

So come on, get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire and the swing of your hips
Just pull me down hard
And drown me in love
So come on, get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire and the swing of your hips
Just pull me down hard
And drown me in love

I feel of your heart
I taste the sparks on your tongue
I see angels and devils
And God, when you come on
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on

Sing sha la la la
Sing sha la la la la

So come on, get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire and the swing of your hips
Just pull me down hard
And drown me in love
So come on, get higher, loosen my lips
Faith and desire and the swing of your hips
Just pull me down hard
And drown me, drown me in love

It's all wrong, it's all wrong
It's all wrong, it's so right
So come on, get higher
So come on and get higher
'Cause everything works, love
Everything works when you're on

Perfectly imperfect

Perfection is something a person can never fully achieve. There are moments of weakness, moments of temporary insanity and even sometimes moments of pure genius. I've never claimed to be perfect. I will continue to do stupid things, to say things that I don't mean. I'll more than likely hurt people along the way (unintentionally no doubt) but, it's all part of being human. That's how we're designed. We're designed to mess up occasionally. I can't say for certain that I won't have any regrets from here on out. Lord knows, I have my fair share now. I was designed to be imperfectly perfect. I can't sit and dwell upon those times. It's time to look forward. It's time to start fresh.

Here's to it...