Out with the Old...

They say that whatever you are doing at the strike of midnight, you'll spend the rest of the year doing. Last year, as the clock struck midnight, I was daydreaming, about the life that I thought I was going to have by the end of this year. I'm here to tell you, that the theory of "whatever you do at midnight on the dawn of a new year, is what you'll spend the next year doing," is without a doubt, wrong.

With each passing year, I hope and pray that I find myself. Instead, it seems that with each new day, new year, new decade even, I find myself more and more reinvented. I'm never quite the same, I'm somewhat new and improved with each moment that passes, and, I don't know that it's necessarily a bad thing either.

I feel like this year has taken me to many different places. I've been the happiest I've ever been, and I've also been to the very rock bottom of my existence. I've been to the deepest darkest pits of depression and I've had some of the GREATEST times with the best people. It's all of these times combined, this year, that have made me the unbreakable, unshakable person I feel that I have become. Every tear that has streamed down my face, ever smile that has stretched from ear to ear, every hurt, every failure, every single horrible, fascinating, random moment that I've had, I can truly say have been worth it. I've loved, I've lost, I've laughed and smiled. I've searched and found, faced demons and fought battles that seem to be never ending.

I don't regret a single thing. I don't mind that the marriage that was supposed to take place, didn't. Why? Because I know that somewhere out there, there is someone for me, and there's someone for him, and in the mean time, we'll both learn that we're much better friends than lovers. I don't mind the fact that I spent the better part of this year growing close to people, only to have them taken away from me. Why? Because, I know that I've touched their lives and most of them have touched mine in someway. I don't mind that I took a way lower paying job, in a place I would never see myself. Why? Because I know that I'm good at what I do, and it has kept me in the town that has kept me near the people I need to be around. I don't mind anything that's happened, because it all happens for a reason and even though I am always so quick to want all the answers, I know that sometimes, the greatest adventures in life, come with searching for those answers.

So, maybe what I was doing at midnight, this time last year, didn't happen for the rest of the year. That's alright, because in the end, maybe I shouldn't have been daydreaming, maybe I should have been more focused on reality instead of dreams. Perhaps, this year at midnight, I will smile, laugh and stop for a moment to realize that I have the greatest friends and family in this entire world. After all, I still hold on to old wives tales, and can only hope that 2011, brings nothing but smiles, laughs and even more growth and strength than 2010 did.